TAZO TROUBLE

Do you remember POGS? Well here in SoCal and I’m sure elsewhere they are making a comeback, except they are called TAZOS. They are all the rage for elementary aged kiddos. Mine included. Only problem is, you can only find them in bags of chips AND those bags of chips are from Mexico! I guess I’m lucky that I live in San Diego, where every once in a while you’ll walk into a store that sells the Tositos that have the TAZOS inside them. AND I’m not sure who is doing the quality control on these but 3 of the bags we bought that were labeled as having TAZOS…were empty!!!!

So he has managed to collect about 10 of them so far. You know, to save time and effort, I could go the ebay route and bid on some for my son (the last bid went up to $80.00 for about 40 of them…whoa!), but I have to admit, I’m starting to get into the “thrill of the hunt”. Which one will he get? Will it be the limited edition metal one? Will he get a duplicate? It also gives my son and I something that WE do together, as silly as that seems.

I know he will forget about TAZOS as soon as the next CRAZE comes around, (just like he did with Bey Blades, Magic Beans, etc…). But, I will cherish the memory of our TAZOS hunts always. What are the silly little things that you do with/for your kids?

Uncategorized

Nailed it!

I’m not one to get my nails done at a salon, I mean once in a while I’ll get a manicure with my pedicure (if the price is right), but I definitely take care of the toes more than the fingers. My husband has even mentioned that my hands look like a second grader’s with my chipped nail polish and short short nails. BUT my neighbor always has these crazy 3D designs and bright colors on her very long nails. Quite the conversation piece, in fact. About every month she rocks a new theme on her fingers. Two months ago it was a masquerade theme. Last month, sunflowers. Then this month she asked me if I wanted to get mine done.

The woman Angelica who does her nails, comes over once a month from Tijuana to her home and spends hours working on client’s nails all day, who have been waiting a month or two to see Angelica, apparently she is gaining popularity and now it is difficult to get an appointment with her unless your willing to go see her across the border. Well, I guess it was my lucky day, because a client unexpectedly had to cancel and her next appointment wasn’t for two hours so she had an open spot. I thought, why not treat myself to a bit of pampering and get a jumpstart on getting into both the Halloween and Day of the Dead spirit?

Turns out Angelica is an artist. She actually sculpts the design onto the nails. It’s nuts! And Beautiful. Angelica actually just won a contest for a nail design she created based on the movie Gremlins and will be traveling to Mexico City to compete in a national competition.

Now, I thought I went a bit crazy with my nails, turns out, not so much, as a matter of fact, Angelica said that my nails and art were the shortest and most simple design she has ever done.

Now I know fake nails aren’t for everyone and some people consider them quite tacky, but I thought this was super fun and like the results. This to me went beyond Nails, it IS art. I thought is was pretty amazing! No nail decals here!

I went for a Calavera with teal flower (Skull) and fuchsia sculpted tips with glitter.

Here is one of Angelica’s winning nail designs.

Angelicas’s Halloween design’s on one of her client’s. Yes, I guess mine are pretty “simple” compared to these!

Chucky and Scream. She sculpts this all by hand as she is doing the nails. It’s quite incredible to watch. The results are 3D.

I just love October. Halloween is one of my favorite times of the year. What do you do to get into the Halloween spirit?

 

Uncategorized

Fideo Friday

 

I think I’ve reached a milestone in my career as a mommy. For the first time ever during a lunch of sopa de fideo (vermicelli in chicken broth), quesadilla and sliced fruit my son exclaimed,

“Mommy, this tastes just like Wella’s” (read: Abuela’s).

I asked him, “What did you say?” wondering if, okay, hoping I heard him correctly.

“This sopita (soup), tastes just like the way Wella makes it”.

Wow. My heart is instantly filled with pride. Now I don’t know if it’s a Latino thing or not, but that is probably one of the best compliments one can get because cooking a meal, for someone, to me, is such an expression of love, especially when it’s a simple comfort food a Mom would make, like fideo.

I cook like my Mom? I’m on a natural high. I mean really, no joke, in my sleep, I find myself dreaming of my Mother’s food (I live almost 9 hours away, so I don’t taste it that often anymore). In that moment, I can really say that I felt like earned my “Mommy Card” (at least in the kitchen).

With my pride soaring, I guess I got a little cocky confident and continued the conversation.

“Well, Wella is the one that taught me to cook so that’s why my food tastes like hers.”

With his beautiful hazel eyes, my son looks directly at me and says,

“Umm, Mommy…I didn’t say ALL of your food”.

Chamaco.

Well, it felt good while it lasted.

Do you have a recipe of your Mamá’s or Abuelita’s that you have mastered or hope to someday?

 

Uncategorized

The Power of an Apology

 

When you say, “I’m sorry” do you really mean it? Politicians and celebrities apologize all the time to the public, let me clear, I don’t mean those apologies; not the scripted apologies we are used to seeing in the media. Nor, do I mean the apologies that are said in the midst of an argument and are usually followed by more arguing and a “Well, I said I was sorry!” I mean, a sincere humbling apology that comes from the heart.

The power of a genuine apology among those who’ve really felt its healing power is beautiful. I’ve seen it magically stop a scraped knee on the playground from hurting so much. It can bring estranged friends and family together after years apart. It can heal. I’d even go as far to say that a true apology might even salvage a romantic relationship near the brink of ending. So, with all that power in a single word, why is it so hard for some people to say (and mean) they are sorry?  Maybe it’s machismo? Maybe it’s shame or guilt? Embarrassment? Fear of rejection?  Unhealthy Pride? Insecurity?  Yes. Sure. Probably.

What about you? Do you know how to apologize to someone AND really mean it?

Well today is your lucky day amigas, I have done you a solid and created a guide for you. I know that sounds silly, but there is purpose. We throw around the word “sorry” so much that for many, it has lost its meaning and power. This guide is meant for you to reflect on your own understanding of a meaningful apology and offer some direction. Are your own apologies heartfelt? There are a few other suggested ways to apologize floating around out there (some up to 20 steps, ayayay!), but I stuck to the most simple and meaningful ways, that I have seen successful, both in real life and in therapy with clients.

It is simple, but not always easy. I promise, though, that learning how to sincerely apologize will not only help you in ALL of your relationships, assist you in conflict resolving, help you increase your EQ (Emotional IQ) but will also enhance your abilities to connect with others on a very intimate and meaningful level.

All those powers in one little word? Yup! What are you waiting for? Get to it.

Step One: Acknowledge what you have done, that you are sorry and take ownership. Don’t try to explain why or make excuses, this will just dilute and negate the  apology.

   I’m so sorry that I didn’t show up to your wedding/party/event/etc. I know this was important to you. That was really inconsiderate of me. 

Step Two: Reassure that you will take action so it will not likely happen again and how  you will. Maybe even identify what you could’ve done differently. Again, commonly people try to excuse and rationalize why they did what they  did…don’t. This part can get a bit tricky and it also weeds out a sincere apology from a meaningless one because you MUST mean it. If the behavior                         occurs again, well then, you’ve lost credibility. If the apology is for a repeated behavior, then it is often harder to be trusted with your apology.

         I should’ve called you to let you know I wasn’t going to show up. If I’m ever going to be late or can’t make it, I will make every effort to call or text you. I feel really bad about it.

* Remember: you are apologizing for your behavior not for you as a person, so don’t say things like “I’m a terrible person” or “I’d totally hate me too”.

 

Step Three:   Restoration. Restoration is the next step, a gesture to make it “right” and restore back to “normal”. Now for most, the assurance of the behavior not happening again is enough (See step 2). For certain apologies, something more significant is warranted.

 You might pay for or replace a lost or broken personal item or extend a hand to help the person you accidentally tripped. Even a nod, wave or look to the driver you accidentally cut off can bring peace and make things right.  Remember, sometimes even the slightest gestures of restoration can go a long way.

 

Step Four:   (not a necessary step, but a nice gesture) Do something nice; a good deed. Flowers? Maybe a drink on you (not literally) at the next happy hour? A cup of coffee or an extra day driving the carpool perhaps? A good deed is a nice reinforcement to a sincere apology. However, it is not necessary. It  shouldn’t be done out of obligation, it should only be done if  YOU and only  you feel compelled to do so.

*I find this step interesting because so many people misuse it (especially couples) and will skip all the other steps and go straight to this one. This step is shallow and meaningless if not set in the foundation of the previous steps. Remember that.

 Step Five:   Have no expectation and accept the outcome. You are only responsible for  your apology. Whether or not the other person/persons accepts your apology is up to them. You cannot control them. More times than not, the  people involved in our apologies are ones we care about and care about us,  so it is likely a heartfelt apology will be  warmly accepted. HOWEVER, if it           is not, or if the acceptance of your apology is not immediate (and it doesn’t  have to be), remind yourself that you have done what you feel you needed and wanted to do and that you cannot control others or the outcome, only  hope for the best. Do not beg or plead for you apology to be accepted.

There you have it, the anatomy of an apology. Are you surprised at all? Do you feel like apologies given to you in the past, generally follow these guidelines? Or does it explain feelings of dissatisfaction with half-hearted past apologies by someone?

 A sincere apology takes courage. Do you owe anyone a sincere apology?

Be courageous.

Uncategorized

The Beginning.

Hi and Hola! Welcome to my official first blog.  I am so excited to begin this journey!

First things first, a proper introduction is in order. My name is Linda Chicana (It took me FOREVER to come up with my catchy pseudonym, te gusta?/you like?).

Wow, this ice-breaking activity is making me nervous… okay, okay, on with the show…

A little about me and this blog:

Like many of you, I wear many different hats (Mommy, sister, daughter, happy wife of 11 years, comadre, friend, advocate, personal assistant, domestic goddess, story-teller, actor, bargain hunter, clinical psychotherapist…yes, a real and professional one, wannabe chef, substance abuse counselor, life-coach, really bad photographer, Chicana, Latina, proud American…).

All of these “hats” I wear, I cherish.

Whether it’s helping struggling couple trying to save their marriage in counseling or if it’s an early morning coffee date (usually by phone or video chat…yes, I still use a real landline phone…call me old-fashioned) with my BFF, comadre or sisters just talking chisme (gossip) or trading parenting tips or favorite cocktail recipe (Tajin Margarita, anyone?). The time spent building and nurturing these relationships are so precious to me. And this is why I’ve decided to start a blog. I wanted a place to share my stories, consejos (advice), plights, tips and friendship. And whatever else is going in this life.

AND hey, I am a bona fide relationship expert, so even though I can’t be your therapist by virtue of you reading my blog. If you want to DM (@LChicana) me your relationship questions, I may blog about it and give you sage advice based on my professional and not reactive or emotional opinion. I guess that is one difference between confiding in a real-life friend and a therapist, right? And your friends shouldn’t be your therapist. How awful that would be? Imagine,  your BFF to be telling you “Well lets look at how you really meant to communicate that to him and how it could’ve been done differently” instead of  ”What the hell? Of course he should’ve known what you meant, the jerk!”

OR as I explained it to one friend, I think my blog is going to be like a bowl of menudo; not everyone is totally sure what’s in it or how spicy it is, but once you take a spoonful, it’s delicious and and you are likely to want seconds (and heck might even cure your hangover…okay, that maybe a stretch).

Well, I look forward to sharing this journey with you and hope you enjoy. ¡Salud!

Abrazos (Hugs), LC

 

Uncategorized